DARKNESS AND LIGHT

This week, portray the beautiful and ugly of something you hold dear.

It can be a person, a concept, an idea or anything you adore. Show or tell of that darkness and that light, and how one outweighs the other

Jude’s Saturday Symphony

A long post alert!!!!!! Here’s my story 😊

Thanks for hosting the Symphony, Jude.

——————————————————————-

Had tears of joy, knowing I was gonna be a mommy,

A role so close to heart, got butterflies in my tummy!

The nine months wait was such an awesome time

Getting pampered to bits, the pleasure was all mine.

The D day was here, held my precious in my arms

Her smile melted our hearts, bringing us all her charms!

When my surgical pain subsided and things began to sink in

I realised I am not normal, there’s a strange feeling within.

When alone, depressed thoughts clouded my brain

I used to cry for no reason, felt everyone’s driving me insane.

I knew I loved her to bits, I knew she has all my heart

Why is that I’m acting weird, what is it that’s pulling me apart?

Deep within I had always, longed for a girl over a boy

All my dreams have come true, why am I not able to enjoy!

I googled the net, concluded these were just baby blues

In a week or two it subsides, this was kind of a good news!

Would adore the cute little feet, tiny hands that clasp my finger

Smiles between her sleep; I wished that moment would linger

Pic credits – ruhappysoul

A month or more went by and I was still not the same Me

Sometimes I was happy, but mostly as dull as I could be.

Singing a lullaby one day, aloud I said so in a flat tone

“This baby, this little bundle, is this really my own?

I don’t feel like cuddling her, I don’t want to feed

What have I got myself to, an irreversible process indeed

I’m not a loving mom, I’m a milk vending machine!

All I do is change the diapers and wipe her bum clean!!”

Irrational thoughts took over, I told my mom I’m not ok

If my baby wakes up in ten minutes of sleep, I may just push her away

I so well remember, my mom stayed up that whole night

She knew about PND, she knew I was putting up a fight.

The happy soul I was, believed I’m ‘The mommy material’

It was so hard to accept, depression is here, and it’s for real

We selected a cute name, a name synonymous to light

Darkness had engulfed me, I laughed within at my plight

After a complete year I slowly became normal again

Discussion forums and blogs had helped me a lot back then.

The cries, the frustration in PND is real, it sure is difficult to cope

If I can handle it so can you, I’m here to tell, there is hope.

Need to just move on, need to sail through that phase

When PND is over, the smile will be back on the face ❤️

© ruhappysoul

From google

———————————————————————

My friends who are reading my posts from the beginning, know how much motherhood means to me. I love every moment of it. I love kids and the innocence they carry. This phase of PND – Post Natal Depression- with my first daughter was something I least expected. My gynaecologist believed my symptoms were manageable without meds and asked me to pursue my hobby for distraction. She gave me contact details of a psychiatrist in case my symptoms get worst. Now I knew I had a problem and I decided to give myself 6 months to see if I can get better. Thankfully I got better. I had decided to. The support of my friends and family, most importantly my husband and in-laws, their patience and understanding, helped me be normal again. It was such a shocker and I had no clue on PND. I wish I was aware of this, and may be I could have handled it better. I would have not wasted those first few months of bliss in frustration, May be?

Thanks for reading and I love feedback 😊

40 thoughts on “The Darkness and the Light

  1. You are really strong Ru! You put up a strong fight and came out winner and stronger. The emotions flow beautifully. I really people become more aware of postpartum depression! You are really a happy soul, beautiful to be precise 😃🤩

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Your words bring tears to my eyes.. ❤️ this post is very close to my heart… the innermost layer if I have to say….
      Thank you so much my dear Zi ❤️❤️
      and yes PND needs a lot more awareness I feel. “Depression” the word itself carries a huge stigma here 🙇🏻‍♀️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hey….don’t cry or if you cry they should be happy one….ones to reflect your inner strength. And I agree depression carries a huge stigma still.
        It is always pleasure reading your work!❤❤

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Beautiful poem HS. 💕💕 Am glad you made through the storms to be a wonderful mother to your kids. This reminds me a quote: “You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only option you have!”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Read it with a lump in my throat, HS. Have I told you already how incredibly and positively amazing you are?! 🤗

    It’s nice that your mom understood.
    Many don’t. I remember a cousin asking, ‘ Oh! But having a baby is supposed to make you happy. What’s depressing in that?!’

    I know someone who committed suicide because of PND. She wasn’t over it even when her kid was 2 years old and was even undergoing therapy. After her death, all people had to say was, ‘she didn’t care about her daughter anyway.’ When I told them it’s PND and that was a symptom, they said kids these days invent all kinds of diseases to escape from responsibilities. I didn’t know how to explain it to them. Such ignorance!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Thaaaank you! ❤️you know.. she is my husband’s xerox!! 😬
        Yet I used to feel there is some mix up after delivery and this baby is not mine. I just couldn’t bond with her then!

        Like

    1. My dearest, the first line makes me smile wide 😍😍😍Thank you so much 🥰❤️

      It’s been 10 years now Aswathy, yet I get tears thinking of that phase. And I’m very thankful that I overcame. I am glad my mom understood, yet at that phase my mom was my villain. She kept telling me to be strong and I dint want to hear that sentence. I asked her to stop talking about it and to leave me alone. A professional councellor would know what to say I guess?…. and seeing one is the best thing to do I feel. Blogs helped me, I realised I’m one among many, but so many do not allow new moms to see the phone also telling that it hurts their eyes. The body will be very weak!!!

      Exactly… I have heard that sentence too.. “how can a new mom be depressed. How can a baby make one depressed at all”!!
      I used to feel visitors should be banned 😅

      yes if untreated it’s suicidal and yet there is so little awareness.. sad na! 🙁

      Like

      1. Yeah. Seeking professional help to deal things easier. The fact that too much attention’s given before delivery and little or no attention after it, is one of the main trigger for many. That literally makes us feel like a machine + a babysitter 😕

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow! Great post HS, heart touching poem!

    I had heard/read about PND, and few of my friends went through that, with one even having suicidal thoughts during that time. so it can be dangerous, so awareness is very important for one’s surrounding a mother, to provide that care/support. Childbirth is like rebirth of a Mother!!! Utmost respect to all Mothers who go through the process.

    Glad to know that you overcame successfully. Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Dear Her, (actually I love the name Spandana 😊) ,
      Thank you so much for your lovely feedback. Yes PND leads to suicidal thoughts and the doc had asked my mom to keep observing my behaviour. I’m glad too that I got over it and I was ok with my second child
      Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts .. means a lot 🙌😊

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Dear HS, I love that name too😛 so I won’t mind at all. Glad to hear you came over it twice.
    My pleasure, I enjoy reading real life experiences. So, thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. PND is something new to me. I’m gonna read more about it now.
    And, your poem! It left me in awe!🥺 You are great at expressing what you feel.
    Your daughter is so cute, you know, I’ve a serious obsession with baby pictures and videos, they are my stress busters too…
    Happy Soul’s post made me so happy! I’m saving this post atleast to look at her picture. I’m sure she would look gorgeous now…❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I never knew about it too.. the supposedly good reader that I was!!
      Thank you so much dear Hema, I’m very happy to read this. When it’s real life instances, words just flow. But I keep wondering if I wrote it well and if people can relate at all .. thanks so much 😊

      Ha ha really?? 😃I was like that too some years ago. All my slam books of school n college, had baby pictures on them …

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi HS, I’ve been away for so long but I’m back now. This is such a heartfelt post. I’ve know about postpartum depression but didn’t know that PND is such a monster. I am so proud of you for putting up such a strong front and fighting it! Beautiful writing as always. 💘💘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My dear Wordsmith, I missed you ❣️it’s been a month may be ? 😊
      You have used a nice word there – a monster- that’s what it is 😅
      Thank you so much for your kind words Rishika. Was so happy to receive this notification ❣️

      Liked by 1 person

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