DARKNESS AND LIGHT
This week, portray the beautiful and ugly of something you hold dear.
It can be a person, a concept, an idea or anything you adore. Show or tell of that darkness and that light, and how one outweighs the otherJude’s Saturday Symphony
A long post alert!!!!!! Here’s my story 😊
Thanks for hosting the Symphony, Jude.
Had tears of joy, knowing I was gonna be a mommy,
A role so close to heart, got butterflies in my tummy!
The nine months wait was such an awesome time
Getting pampered to bits, the pleasure was all mine.
The D day was here, held my precious in my arms
Her smile melted our hearts, bringing us all her charms!
When my surgical pain subsided and things began to sink in
I realised I am not normal, there’s a strange feeling within.
When alone, depressed thoughts clouded my brain
I used to cry for no reason, felt everyone’s driving me insane.
I knew I loved her to bits, I knew she has all my heart
Why is that I’m acting weird, what is it that’s pulling me apart?
Deep within I had always, longed for a girl over a boy
All my dreams have come true, why am I not able to enjoy!
I googled the net, concluded these were just baby blues
In a week or two it subsides, this was kind of a good news!
Would adore the cute little feet, tiny hands that clasp my finger
Smiles between her sleep; I wished that moment would linger
A month or more went by and I was still not the same Me
Sometimes I was happy, but mostly as dull as I could be.
Singing a lullaby one day, aloud I said so in a flat tone
“This baby, this little bundle, is this really my own?
I don’t feel like cuddling her, I don’t want to feed
What have I got myself to, an irreversible process indeed
I’m not a loving mom, I’m a milk vending machine!
All I do is change the diapers and wipe her bum clean!!”
Irrational thoughts took over, I told my mom I’m not ok
If my baby wakes up in ten minutes of sleep, I may just push her away
I so well remember, my mom stayed up that whole night
She knew about PND, she knew I was putting up a fight.
The happy soul I was, believed I’m ‘The mommy material’
It was so hard to accept, depression is here, and it’s for real
We selected a cute name, a name synonymous to light
Darkness had engulfed me, I laughed within at my plight
After a complete year I slowly became normal again
Discussion forums and blogs had helped me a lot back then.
The cries, the frustration in PND is real, it sure is difficult to cope
If I can handle it so can you, I’m here to tell, there is hope.
Need to just move on, need to sail through that phase
When PND is over, the smile will be back on the face ❤️
My friends who are reading my posts from the beginning, know how much motherhood means to me. I love every moment of it. I love kids and the innocence they carry. This phase of PND – Post Natal Depression- with my first daughter was something I least expected. My gynaecologist believed my symptoms were manageable without meds and asked me to pursue my hobby for distraction. She gave me contact details of a psychiatrist in case my symptoms get worst. Now I knew I had a problem and I decided to give myself 6 months to see if I can get better. Thankfully I got better. I had decided to. The support of my friends and family, most importantly my husband and in-laws, their patience and understanding, helped me be normal again. It was such a shocker and I had no clue on PND. I wish I was aware of this, and may be I could have handled it better. I would have not wasted those first few months of bliss in frustration, May be?
Thanks for reading and I love feedback 😊