Mothers!! I just kept the phone after a one hour conversation with her. One person who is always there for me, who dons different hats with such ease that it leaves one in awe! Wish i could imbibe at least half of her confidence and courage 🙂 Let me tell you a lil about her ..
She is the last of 8 children to her parents. When she was 2 years old, her eldest sister was married and a year later she had a kid. So my mom had a niece three years younger to her. Thats how many families were in those days right? 🙂 So through her childhood, she wasn’t pampered , if i could say so, as the elder siblings were in different stages of life, they needed attention, their educational needs were to be seen and there was too much responsibilty on her parents’ and not much money to make ends meet. It was just enough. This made her quite independent as she was by herself most of her childhood. “Take care and discipline the elder kids, the younger ones will copy the same” was the formula of parents back then… Oh how i wish it could work now !!! Anyways , so she was brought up from the very beginning to do all tasks on her own and look after her needs by herself. The first kid in the family enjoys a lot of attention and the attention curve starts tapering for the second.. so you can imagine the plight of the eigth !
She got married to my father ( oh that’s another filmi love story) , a completely orthodox family with seven siblings. They had a very good running hotel business. My mother, a graduate in microbiology, working in a reputed institution (IISc) in Bangalore, completely independent, had to join her husband now. She had to shift, to a village called Kanakapura. She quit her job after wedding. I was born a year later. Life was very good, business was doing great, my grandfather was the “savakarru” ( kannada name for a rich person) in that village. I was the first grand daughter and literally treated like a princess. Most of the people there knew me. Life was great !
When i was 5, the hotel business started getting into losses. My mom sensed whats going on and decided to take the leap and shift back to Bangalore with two children, now 6 and 1 year old, get back to work and start living in Bangalore, while my dad still supported the family business as much as he could staying in kanakapura. Its an emotional decision to leave a business you have grown up with and which has funded you throughout your growing years. My dad couldn’t shift immediately with my mom. So my mom moved to bangalore with two kids!! Imagine this 30 year old beautiful lady, living in a small house , in the gullies of yeshwanthpur, with two small kids. This same lady lived lived in a joint family, in a descent house, with all comforts just a year ago. What a huge change this!!! Her routine – Getup – cook – pack dabbas- drop kids to school n day care – office – pick kids – teach in a tution – cook and sleep. Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat. There was no looking back. Even now when i pass through those roads, i wonder what gave her the courage to make that shift !!!! There are cowsheds, open drains, gully boys, what not around this house. There were eight single bedroom houses in that small 30-40 site. We could hear the fart of our neighbor! But back then, the rent of a house there was all she could afford. Definitely she would have faced some resistance on this decision . But i am so glad she did it ! I am forever indebted to her to have taken this drastic step, for better educational prospects for her children…. So grateful!!!! When stumbled by hurdles, when the going gets tough , stand up for yourself and take a leap of faith !
Days passed, months and years, I saw my parents work hard to make ends meet. I always saw how beautifully my mother managed the finances. A tip i learnt from my parents: when we are financially tight and when investing, write down your expenses in a diary. Write down where you spent every penny. You will get a better perspective to save, plan and invest better when its seen on paper!
Another learning to me was, she was always very open about the financial planning with us. She never bought us toys, by going beyond her limits, never! And I can not recollect a day i felt left out that i do not have the nice clothes or toys that my friend had. I was always aware of our present situation and always counted my blessings, rather than crib. So i learnt its a good practice to keep the kids in loop and be open with them about finances, relationships, and whatever it is that they can soak in for their age. I saw may parents fight n patch up, i saw them take time off from us just to spend quality time together, i saw them plan for my and my brothers education, plan for my wedding expenses, and discuss everything together. While most of my friends wanted to go to US and do masters, i was very clear that i wanted to work immediately after my Engineering. I knew, if i wanted to study further, i had to bring the money myself. I dint want to study further anyways, i wanted to support my parents as much as possible and be independent.
Fast forward 14 years, her kids education done, weddings done, kids well settled, she retired from her job in IISc, annnnnnnnnnnd she was diagnosed with stage 3 rectal cancer. She got her treatment and she is hale and healthy now, but life changes drastically for a person after Cancer. It becomes unpredictable and out of control! I have huge respect for cancer patients. The whole perspective of life changes for them. Cancer is treatable , but the treatment is horrible!! The pain and discomfort they go through is humongous. Physical pain is one part of the story, the mental trauma is unfathomable!!! She stood through it all ! She accepted the situation, she came to every second and third and nth opinion doctors we went to soon after her diagnosis…… because, she wanted to take the decision herself on the kind of treatment she would opt!! She heard all talks on quality of life, life expectancy cleared all her doubts herself!! I saw her go through the surgery and treatment , mentally accepting the situation and facing it everyday. During radiation, with all the burning pain of that day’s radiation treatment, (ass on fire! literally here), next day she would stand up and get ready for the next sitting of radiation. No complaining, no cribbing, just standing up! “This too shall pass” she said! “When life gives a challenge, you answer by the way you live. Accept the situation, let go of the pain, and live each day to the fullest because tomorrow is always a question mark……… Tomorrow is a hope while today is a gift” is her mantra
Am i not blessed? Mothers are such gems ! We learn from them each day. I went through a few blogs and saw that a post on mom is generally the longest! :-)the below pic is from my journal entry today, my lines and my small sketch 😉
Whats the top 2 things you learnt from your mom ? Share your thoughts and drop a comment, or the link to your post on mom 🙂